


no open doors, no way to get through

by decinq



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: (barely there hockey rpf but like...barely), Closeted Character, Gen, M/M, Social Media, media relations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2015-05-25
Packaged: 2018-04-01 02:58:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4003243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/decinq/pseuds/decinq
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You Can Play Project @YouCanPlayTeam</p><p>Food for thought in next week’s NY Times. Touching interview. nytimes.com/Anderson-S/gh5….</p>
            </blockquote>





	no open doors, no way to get through

**Author's Note:**

> the first 1200 words of this are pretty much stolen from [this article](http://ontd-football.livejournal.com/3794122.html) and the title is taken from the antlers' _two_.
> 
> for [defcontwo](http://archiveofourown.org/users/defcontwo), who knows why. 
> 
> unbeta'd, mistakes are mine.

NHL  @NHL

Amazing article from @nytimes writer Sam Anderson about lack of gay NHL players nytimes.com/Anderson-S/gh5…..

 

You Can Play Project @YouCanPlayTeam

Food for thought in next week’s NY Times. Touching interview. nytimes.com/Anderson-S/gh5….

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

Answers From An Invisible Man: A Conversation With A Gay NHL Player

by Sam Anderson || 10 July 2015

 

We’ve been emailing back and forth for a few weeks. We weren’t sure that we’d actually be able to meet. The man in question doesn’t live in New York, and it was hard to exchange a meeting that was never meant to exist.

 

I walk into a nondescript hotel room in a nondescript part of town, and he’s standing at the Keurig, waiting for the machine to finish spitting out his coffee. “You want one?” It sounds casual, but it’s easy to tell that it’s forced. He looks nervous--colour drained from his cheeks, fingers in tight fists. He looks like wants to run, but when I shake my head, no, he nods, smiles, and sits across from me at the small table in the corner of the room.

 

His knees are jumping up and down, his fingers fidgeting with his coffee cup, as if his limbs are urging him to get up and go. Despite this, he takes the enormity of what he’s about to say with a bizarre type of anxious ease. He tries to smile, but it never stays.

 

“So,” he says.

 

“So,” I say. Looking at him, if I didn’t know better, I would never guess that I was sitting with a gay NHL player. We’ve both signed a lot of contracts to be sitting across from each other, and if it hadn’t been a lot of work on both our parts, I wouldn’t know how important this was to him. He’s nervous, he has misgivings. But he’s still braver than any of his cohorts have been, to date.

 

“You better not misquote me,” he says, but he’s smiling. He’s charming, if a bit awkward, and his emails read the same way.

 

**How about you start by telling me what else you’ve done this morning?**

 

I did a radio interview. That was at five this morning. Then I got a scone, a coffee. Then I had another interview, with a different magazine. No photos, thank god.

**What would happen in one of those interviews if homosexuality came up?**

 

I would avoid it, probably. Most of the time, if it is brought up, it’s usually around You Can Play, which is awesome. The discussion is important, but for me personally...I’d lie, I think. It’s an important discussion, but it’s massive, and I don’t want it to revolve around me.

 

**The pressure must be immense.**

 

Obviously. It’s my privilege to be able to play hockey at this level, it’s been my dream for as long as I can remember. But of course, the price of it all is very high. I have to deny a huge part of my identity, hide an integral part of me underneath a lot of publicity-friendly bu**shit. Sorry. At first it was my honour just to be here, to be playing for a team that I’m proud of, but as time passes, it gets harder. I don’t know that I can stand under the weight of it all, some days.

 

**Would it really be so bad to come out?**

 

Sports and the real world are..they’re really different. I know it’s stupid, and I think that the hockey community likes to talk a big talk about being more progressive than other sports leagues, but...I don’t know. The hyper masculinity associated with any sport is damaging to everyone, but the public image of a hockey player and the public image of a gay man are two different things, and there’s little to no overlap. And obviously that’s wrong, you and I both know it, but my real life doesn’t get to translate onto the screen or print or onto the ice the same way a straight player’s does. If I or anyone else came out of the closet, there would be vitriol at every game. Fans with signs, expletives shouted from the stadium seats. It’s easy to talk about wanting equality in any field, but you don’t have to go out onto the ice on game day and live with that.

 

**Do you resent the fans?**

 

Not at all. Hockey fans aren’t, across the board, bigots. I try to think that most people are, like, decent. But there’s a culture around professional sports, and down in the hard-wiring of it all, it’s not inclusive of the queer community. And even if I could deal with the fans, I don’t know if I could deal with publicity, the media. It’s already such a heavy weight on my shoulders, y’know?

**You obviously have a big fear of the media, of publicity.**

 

Yeah, of course. Can you imagine? Does this NHL star top or bottom? God, no. I get that this sort of comes with the package, but even then, I don’t get to have any semblance of normalcy. If I were a straight player, I could show up anywhere with my wife or girlfriend or whatever, and people would forget about it the next day. But because that’s not my life, I don’t get to have that; either I take my privacy, and I have to be alone, or I come out, and show up to an event with my partner and get talked about on TV for weeks. I don’t want anyone talking about my intimate life, that only concerns me and the person beside me in it all.

 

**And is there this “person beside” you? Someone about whom the vitriol would be pointed?**

 

This is an important question. I--no. I don’t and neither do any of the other players in this situation, that I know of. I can tell you that I’ve tried it, before, but that hide-and-seek is poisonous to any partnership, and it’s not fair. I’ve wanted to play hockey my entire life. That’s the choice I made. It was priced accordingly.

 

**You spoke of “other players.” Can you elaborate? Is there a club?**

 

Is there a gay club? [laughter] No. I mean, maybe it would be fun, we could play mario kart and talk about our crushes on Brad Pitt or whatever. Most of my friends in the NHL are just guys that I’ve played with on other teams and the like. But it’s a weird existence. I always think that everyone must know, that it’s just something we don’t talk about.

 

**Have you ever had trouble with your teammates?**

 

No. I mean I know we all look pretty dumb, but my teammates aren’t ignorant. They’re good guys, but it’s not like I’m into them or anything.

 

**Why did you decide to meet with me, to do this interview?**

I know it’s important. Just because I’m hiding behind this interview doesn’t mean that it’s not important to me. The anonymity helps. I know I’m not ready to be the first out hockey player, but this is nice practice, y’know? Maybe someone will read this and it’ll make them brave, or feel safe, and maybe some kid in a locker room will read it and won’t feel alone. I don’t know, maybe we’ll be able to meet again one day, and talk about it more freely. I’m just not ready for that yet.

 

**What does your future look like?**

 

Win the Cup, you know? Hoist that sucker above my head and drink a beer out of it. There are a few names on the Cup that...it would be an honour to be considered among the likes of those guys. A bit of normality, too, would be nice. To be able to go for dinner at a nice restaurant with someone I love. To have my dream and someone to share it with. That’s the ultimate goal.

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

From: Shitty Knight

To: Eric Bittle

did you see the ny times article?

 

From: Eric Bittle

To: Shitty Knight

No? Link me, you tease!

 

From: Eric Bittle

To: Shitty Knight

Nevermind, found it. Woah.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

Eric Bittle @omgcheckplease

Hope y’all have read this amazing piece: nytimes.com/Anderson-S/gh5…..

 

J Twisty @itsjaaaaamie

@omgcheckplease does JZ have anything to say about it

 

#1 SPRINGER @stupidwhinybb

@omgcheckplease DO U KNOW WHO THIS IS

 

go hawks! @downinchitown

@omgcheckplease bitty!! what a nice article! thanks for sharing :)

  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

From: Jonny

To: Pat

wtf pat

 

From: Pat

To: Jonny

it fuckin’ wasn’t me wtf

 

From: Pat

To: Jonny

obvs if i was gna do that i’d incriminate the shit outta u

 

 

 

 

 

 

[MCGUIRE] I’m assuming you’ve read the New York Times piece by now.

[CROSBY] It was a heart wrenching piece.

[MCGUIRE] Anything else?

[CROSBY] I’d like to encourage players and fans to donate to Project You Can Play, so that we can work on making the League a safer place for everyone.

  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

From: Jack

To: Bittle

u still wanna skype later? i’m at brown w trainer rn but i’ll still be home by 4

 

From: Bittle

To: Jack

Anytime! Text me when you’re ready.

 

From: Jack

To: Bittle

sounds good :) c u soon

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

kaaaaaaner:

> listen, i ain’t sayin that the ny times piece was about kazer but….like…

 

**106 notes**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

Not All Locked Chests Contain Treasure: The NHL, the Stanley Cup, and the Closet

Jameson Leslie || 10 September, 2015

 

The Las Vegas Aces annual convention was, as always, busy. After their loss to Chicago in the Western Conference final in the spring, they’ve done a noticeable amount of rebuilding, with a handful of fresh faced rookies joining their roster.

 

The excitement, however, revolved around the questions posed regarding the now infamous Invisible Man piece, published in July by New York Times Magazine.

 

Kent Parson, captain of the Aces, had the most to say. When asked about the article, he rolled his eyes. “Are you trying to imply that our location makes it more likely for us to have gay teammates? What, because Britney’s got a show every other night? Not that being gay has anything to do with one’s ability to play hockey, which I’d like to clarify for you.”

 

Read more at lasvegassun.com

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

onesmallatomicbomb:

> are we finished pretending that invisible man piece isn’t total bullshit?

 

**57 notes**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

Ellen Degeneres @TheEllenShow

Amazing discussion around homophobia and sports http://www.vice.com/sports/690gbk…. Consider donating to @YouCanPlayProject if you can!

 

Jamie Benn @jamiebenn14

@TheEllenShow @YouCanPlayProject me and @tseguinofficial will match any donations made today

 

Tyler Seguin @tseguinofficial

@jamiebenn14 @TheEllenShow @YouCanPlayProject thanks for the heads up, chubbs. happy to empty my bank acct for this anyday, but damn

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

From: Jack

To: Bittle

miss u

 

From: Bittle

To: Jack

Morning starshine.  Miss you too.

 

From: Bittle

To: Jack

Good luck tonight! Call me after if you can.

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

NHL @NHL

Zimmermann and Parson face off in first game against each other.

 

NHL @NHL

The two haven’t been on the ice together since their days in the QMJHL.

 

Falconers @NHLfalcs

First puck drop of the season in Vegas. It’s off to the (r)Aces!

 

Falconers @NHLfalcs

Captain Jack!! 1-0 early in the second pic.twitter.com/tw8778..

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

[MCGUIRE] So what’s it like being back on the ice with your old teammate, even if you’re agianst each other now?

[ZIMMERMANN] Kent’s always been amazing to watch on the ice, and he only gets better every season. We’ve got to keep it together out there, but it’s great, it’s been a fun game.

[MCGUIRE] No bad blood, then?

[ZIMMERMANN] Even if I’d been drafted when he was, we always knew we wouldn’t be playing together once we left Rimouski. He’s a good guy.

[MCGUIRE] Great goal early the period, good luck with the rest of the game.

[ZIMMERMANN] Thanks, Pierre.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

NHL @NHL

Parson and Zimmermann skate back to each other after shaking hands with refs, hug. pic.twitter.com/pi5uu43..

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


From: Bittle

To: Jack

Oh.

 

From: Bittle

To: Jack

Sorry!! Sorry!! Did you know it was him?

 

From: Bittle

To: Jack

You don’t have to answer that, obviously. Sorry. Tell him hi, if you see him again before you’re headed home. I’m still up if you wanna call.

 

From: Jack

To: Bittle

not mine to talk abt. had a feeling, wasn’t sure til i saw him.

 

From: Jack

To: Bittle

i’ll text when we land. it’s late, u should sleep. love u

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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